What is the form of Relationship you have with You?

This essay is based around my response to a Student who reminded me of how I had spoken at the last Student in Life Retreat about knowing what one can and cannot handle in the world, and how that is different for each of us. He/she went on to ask for a light to be shone on where he/she is relative to this, in other words asking me what I could see for him/her. “What can you see of me, perhaps that I don’t fully see or trust yet? I ask for a light to be shone to where I am, like the lighthouse that helps the rowboat come to shore.” 

There is nothing right or wrong about this request, in fact, it seems a reasonable appeal within the conventional forms of relationship, for example the parent/child, wife/husband or teacher/pupil relationship. However, these forms of relationship do not serve us well in the context of one’s Relationship with the Spiritual Master or Life-It Self: the True Self-Being. In fact, much as they may very well be companionably beneficial, they are an obstacle to our Awakening to our True Self-Being. 

Now, let us be clear. I did not say the other person is an obstacle to our Awakening; that is not the revelation. I am trying to reveal that our own underlying motivations and the dynamics of our conventional sense of relationship are not based on Life-Self-Awakening Principles. Rather, they are based on our own limited sense of Self and our need to be wanted, recognised, acknowledged, our need to be made worthy by someone else’s love and attention. 

One cannot Awaken (from worldly conditioning) to one’s Inherent Life-Given Self simply by someone endlessly telling one, “Yes, yes, I love you… you’re the best, you are my only one…” Nor will one Awaken to the Steadfast Ground of their Spirit-Based Self merely by someone else telling them what’s good for them, how they should behave or what they should believe and so forth. 

In our conditional-self relatedness, we are always trying to belong to another, to a society, a culture, to others’ ideas and opinions, to win others' approval. We talk about the Spiritual, about Wisdom, about Enlightenment and Love; however, do these words describe the form of Relationship we have with our Self? Or are we trying to understand these States of Being while all the time actually involved in a conditional relationship with our Self? If so, we are most fundamentally practising a distorted relationship with our Self, one we try particularly hard to keep undisclosed to others, and especially to our Self when looking for a lover and/or doing our spiritual practice.

The conveniently-concealed-from-ourselves relationship, the confidential relationship, the undercover relationship. The underlying active relationship we want to hide and deny when we are arguing for Spiritual Realisation, Love and Liberation. The fundamental relationship that is at the root of our discontent. 

In other words, we are not in True Relatedness with our Self. We are not in Relationship with the Truth of our Being. 

Furthermore, solely telling someone how to be or what they should do is to miss the greater opportunity of Self-Understanding this request or question represents. In other words it provides a door-way, if you will, into a better understanding of our fundamental approach and relatedness to what we call Spiritual Practice. Thus it shows the form of Relationship we have with our Self and therefore with those we call Spiritual Masters. Better to address the state of consciousness of the asker rather than the question. 

What are we expressing when we say, “I am a student of such and such Spiritual Master"? Does this indicate the usual relationship with a teacher to whom I go in order to learn something? What form of relatedness is revealed when we exclaim, “My Guru says this or that...” ? Typically it reveals the relationship we have to or with our Self, and therefore our relationship to the Spiritual Master. That is, one where we are lesser and thus trying to learn something… and, when we have learned it, are able to say it and behave it. And within that form of relatedness, we look for status, recognition, approval, acknowledgement of accomplishment and so on. All the usual worldly impulses and motivations. All the usual forms of seeking that arise when we have fallen from Grace. In other words, when we have fallen out of Relationship with the True Self-Being. 

The Company and Way of a Spiritual Liberator and thus Spiritual Practice is not primarily for the purpose of learning something, how to cope better or behave in a spiritual way. It is not based on any of those forms of relatedness or motivations one has with one-Self. The Relationship and Way is only Alive on the basis and motivation of Self-Understanding. The Guru/Devotee Relationship is where both minds and hearts are in mutual sacrifice of the worldly, seeking mind (the usual lesser relatedness one has with one’s Self) for the higher purpose of Self-Understanding.

Well, it turns out we can learn things, we can acquire knowledge and become competent in one thing or another without any Self-Understanding, and with no change at all in the form of lesser relatedness we have with our Self. Learning and Self-Understanding are two different things. 

I am not suggesting they are mutually exclusive to one another but each represents a fundamentally different approach. They each represent a vastly different relatedness to one’s Self and therefore to all. 

You see, our worldly conditioning is not based around Self-Understanding. Not at all. The bedrock of our worldly conditioning, depending on the time and place you were born into, is the indoctrination and structure of a particular learned behavioural identity. We are not initiated into the Radical Process of Self-Understanding; that is, Self-Understanding on the basis of living as a Human Being, as the One Life-Being in the form of Human, before anything else at all. Is this the form of relatedness we are initiated into, then encouraged, helped and instructed in, to activate our Self?

I understand people approach me the only way they know how, and that is either inthe parent-child way, the teacher-pupil way or the employer-employee way, arrangements that have their place and use in the early stages of our human development. In other words, people approach me and try to Practise with me from the point of view of their already involvement with a worldly or lesser relatedness/relationship with themselves. 

All Spiritual Liberators (those whose Way with people was and is to Liberate the Spirit from the limited, worldly-indoctrinated identity relationship) offered people what really is, the Great Relationship, the Relationship based from the start in our True Life-Being Nature. 

If one is to Awaken to one's Life or Spirit-Given Self, one must first of all begin to understand and see the kind of relatedness one practises or uses towards one’s own Self. What I mean by use is your relatedness to your Self via a worldly identity, and is it this relatedness you are using/practising as the means of trying to Understand the Spiritual Life Self. 

It is very clear that from the point of view of the lesser worldly-created self, an individual simply wants the Spiritual Liberator to tell them “what” Enlightenment is, so they can then go and “do it.” “Master, just tell me what to do, tell me what to think and what to say……tell me I am your special one…..and for god’s sake tell others around you how to behave better…Oh, don’t get me wrong….. I think you are okay, Master but…..bloody hell…..I cannot stand the people around you!!” 

Yes, it is a most unusual Relationship for the very reason we, most generally anyway, are not reared to truly enquire into ourselves and understand, then allow behaviours (or actions) to arise from that One, our Self. No, we are merely expected to believe and behave. We are aggressively told this is how it is, and this is what you must believe and do. It is not your business to enquire whether the so-called facts are Life-Truths or not; your business is merely to come into relationship with yourself through what you are told, believe that and get on with it. Ah, the Truth does not create facts but rather, beliefs create what people call facts. And these spurious ‘facts' create the individual's behaviours and attitudes and altogether relatedness to their Self. 

And once an individual’s beliefs have created the facts of their life, and therefore the form of their relatedness to themselves, no amount of talk or discussing or instruction (on top of that form of relatedness) is going to change that. This is nowhere more clearly evident than in the case of religions. Adherents of a certain religion are indoctrinated with an account of Jesus rising bodily into the sky and this becomes a foundation belief. The belief makes it, for the adherent, a fact. Well, it turns out this mind-twist of Reality permeates all aspects of how we feel about our Self, our attitudes and interactions with others and the world. And, the end result is the sense we are a lesser Being. That becomes the fundamental relationship we are in with our Self. This is the relationship we mindfully or mindlessly practice all day long.

These factitious facts have an elemental influence and grip upon our attitude, an attitude that very often does not serve us well and yet one we are mostly unwilling to change. Rather than go through what is required for a change or transformation of attitude, a transformation of relationship to our Self, we would much rather take the easy way and stay as we believe ourselves to be, merely trying for behavioural change - one that will hopefully impress someone. 

All my previous forms of relatedness, such as parent/child, teacher/pupil and employer/employee, made their way simply based on changes of behaviour – no real Self-Understanding required. And there is a common belief and approach to what is called Enlightenment that assumes it is basically the same way, that is, through a change in behaviour, a change of beliefs, a change of ideology. The individual merely wants to act a bit differently, behave a bit differently or say the right things, especially if it will get her or him what she or he wants. 

Most people do not want to go through the trials and errors, and the jubilation of their own Self-Discovery. This requires a complete transformation of attitude and therefore relatedness to one’s Self and all. They feel it’s just too hard and, what’s more, they are in a hurry, they have stuff to do in the world, they want to be loved,they want popularity, they want to be recognised, they want to get what they want to get and they want it now!!! They just want someone to tell them – better still just give it to them - or alternatively, just get on and do whatever the hell they want to do. Many individuals equate this last option with freedom. 

If I am a Lighthouse, then I shine a light. Well, at best, that’s a lovely metaphor. I am also a rock you can possibly smash yourself on. Every Spirit Liberator holds Life in one hand and ego-death in the other. It is all very well for me to see things in another, to see how they are obstructing their True Self-Understanding by wanting things in this world that disturb the True Relationship with the Great Life-Self.
However, this Great Relationship must become the Highest Value for a Human Being if they are themselves to Self-Observe in such a way that they begin to see what corrodes and corrupts their inherent Wisdom Peace - the Greatest Value of a Human Life. 

It is not the Way for me to tell someone what to do or not to do. Most of us have already spent far too much time waiting for someone to tell us what to do, what to eat, what to think, what to say and how to feel. Waiting, waiting, waiting for permission or alternatively, driven by a dis-satisfied defiance we mistakenly call freedom. In any case, we want to get what we want and, at the same time, be safe and right - then we complain because we have been manipulated. 

Oh, we can twist and turn, duck and dive, and make up every kind of excuse in order to hold onto our worldly-created relatedness to our Self. From our lesser relatedness to our Self, we generate all kinds of fantastic stories and myths, assumptions and expectations about Life and Spirit and Guru, about Love and Death. We excuse our own unwillingness to gradually transcend our conditional relatedness to our Self by attributing all kinds of extra-ordinary stories, miracles and powers to those we call Spiritual Masters. 

Dearest Beloved, I am here to “help” you Self-Discover. In other words, you must be so Attracted to the Light, to the Truth Condition of You, that you will begin to observe Your Self from that point of view. You will begin to observe and understand your Self on the basis of a new form of relatedness to your Self – one based on your Relationship to and with the Spiritual Liberator. Thus, what is actually happening is happening not by one’s self-effort but by one’s Love-motivated Willingness to move beyond, to transcend and eventually renounce the form of relatedness (the worldly-conditioned relatedness) one has to oneself as a person that keeps one as a lesser Being.

The Enlightenment of Your True Self will not shine forth from the point of view of your conditional relatedness to your Self with its desires and motivations but from the genuine desire of Your Awakening Heart-Relationship. In this Way, you will naturally become Love-fully willing to further move beyond the argument of the conditional self and thus discover Your God-Given Self – Your Life-Given Self - thereby with a new form of Relatedness to Your Self, a new form of Wisdom Intelligence, you will discover the attributes and genius relative to what Your Life-Given Body mind can “handle” or not. In other words, from the point of view and stability of a Greater Relationship, You will become aware of what throws You out of Peace. What disrupts deep Contentment; the Steadfast Ground from which Your Life Creativity arises. 

You will begin to realise Your Self just how much attention You can give (or afford to give) to this and that in the world, without losing Your deep and constant foundation of already Unity with and in and as Life. Sure, do things in the world, have sexual relations, learn and be creative, help others and enjoy conditions. 
However, be sure to know in the midst of all that, how far You can go, how much You can take on in the world before You begin to feel You owe, how much before You look to others for approval, how much before You begin to blame. How much before Your One Great Steadfast Foundation that the Beloved Eternal Life Being Implanted in You becomes obscured, corrupted and ultimately not Valued. 

In other words, Treasure and Sustain, Honour and Give Praise for Your Awakened Great Relationship in the midst of all. You are the Heart It Self to Trust. 

No Spiritual Master told me what I could handle or not handle. However, on the basis of the Relationship to and with the Spiritual Master, I began to reassess my own priorities, my own motives relative to the Spiritual Master's Life Relatedness. I began, perhaps without knowing, to reassess and transform the Relationship I had with my Self. I stopped judging myself on society's or family's criteria or, in fact, on the criteria of my own conditioning. It was a slow process in my own case. But, I always felt I had no choice if I was to be a full Human Being. That is, to Be the Being that Lives this Human. 

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Oh, a quote from Franz Kafka. Kafka was born into a middle-class German-speaking Czech-Jewish family in Prague, in 1888. 

Once when asked what he had in common with Jews, he replied, “What have I in common with Jews? I have hardly anything in common with myself and should stand very quietly in a corner, content that I can breathe." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~