The form or perception or mindset one has of another creates the relatedness or relationship to that one.
In other words, if I perceive a man to be my father (and he very well biologically may be) I adjust or adapt myself, and especially in the emotional/intelligent faculty, to him.
Because of this “role” of relatedness he can say certain things to me that make me feel rejected, whereas another man can say the same thing and I do not feel rejected.
If you can accept what I have rather crudely described, then we can go on to explore how we either limit or accept information or instruction according to the type of relatedness we have with someone.
Relationship (the type or form) is the conduit through which the transmission (the deeper meaning) particular to a teaching is passed and received.
Relationship forms take different roles such as wife/husband, man/woman, mother/child, father/child, teacher/pupil, authority/follower, intimate body lover/intimate body lover and on and on. The point being that all these forms of relatedness govern the depth of how much of our Inherently Free Humanity can be transmitted to each other.
If you are my wife, I adjust or govern my emotional response to you on that basis. I want to be special to you. I want to be your most special one. Oh you can be a “free being”, I even like to tell you that, but I want to see and hear the signs from you, that I am “the real special one”.
I have prevented, within this form of relatedness, any possibility of absorbing into my emotional/intellectual state Higher Transcendental Life Instruction from you. If you try it on with me, I will simulate a persona conveying serious and open consideration. However, within the form of my emotional relatedness to you, every fibre of my emotional body comes under attack and therefore my deeper impulse is to either inwardly reject what you are saying or modify it in such a way that I can pretend to be practising that level of instruction in order to maintain my need to be special to you.
Don’t you think it is a curious thing how we modify our emotional state according to the form of relatedness we insist on or, by habit, maintain with another?
How we govern our emotional state or the Wholesomeness of our emotional state regulates the depth or degree of learning or realisation transmitted.
The relatedness (or relationship) with another dictates what we will be aggrieved about, how much we withdraw or open up, what we expect and so forth.
In fact we maintain each other in a certain “role” or relatedness in order to justify our emotional hurt or withdrawal or anger. “But you are my wife, you are my lover, how could you say that or do that or not treat me as special…?”
Once we have slotted the other into a “role” or formed in our emotional mind the type of relationship we want, we have also self-designed all the rules and expectations that will hopefully assure us of our not so secretly underlying narcissistic desire to be special, to be the one relative to another. We have our work cut out for us now. We have designed a remedy that at once both consoles one and keeps one’s unworthiness in place.
I use the relatedness as an excuse for my emotional state. I am justified in holding on to deep-seated hurts that were not fulfilled within the expectations shaped by the form of relationship to another.
We exclude so very much more that is possible and necessary in our own Human Being growth or evolution, by emotional dependency on lesser than Life It Self forms of relationship.
In fact, these lesser than Life It Self forms of relationship make it impossible for any of us to serve each other within the Real Form of Love or Life.
The form of relationship you emotionally want or serve with another dictates the function or role you want the other to serve or give you. The form of emotional/intelligent relationship governs the voltage or intensity or capacity of Life Transmission that one is open to receive.
In my human developing years I observed how my hurts and disappointments were always the result of someone acting outside the form of relatedness that I wanted from them; the form of relatedness that I had them contained in for my own security and worth. They were to always serve my need to be made special.
We go (ostensibly anyway) to our Spiritual Masters, our chosen Guru, for Spiritual Liberation.
Well, that’s the only reason we should go to them – to discover and realise Intimacy with Life or what is often referred to as Conscious Intimacy; not intimacy with another.
Every hurt, every feeling of rejection, every feeling of being misunderstood relative to the Conscious Liberator I proclaim to “go to” are only the wounds of my ego being dented, being confronted, being exposed, being unfulfilled.
If I were already Consciously Free or, in other words, were already Enjoying the Realisation of my Primary and Ultimate Intimacy with Life (not through another) these flare-ups of feeling unappreciated and not special and misunderstood etc would not be noticed within me.
That’s why I go to a Conscious Liberator; because, for the time being, my Primary Relationship is not within the Conscious Intimacy with Life It Self. I have been trying to gain intimacy at the bodily level, the lesser level of relatedness.
Of course there will be hurts and feelings of rejection and frustration within your engagement with a Living Conscious Liberator. If you do not accept that, then you will probably refer to your long-gone bodily dead ones or your “safely in a book” ones or your poetically and romantically appealing ones or the ones that created all kinds of crazy ego-attacking phenomena, but not around you.
It is only the form of your relationship that is getting confronted all the time with any body or the world.
It is only the form of relationship that you insist on shaping with me, Yanchiji, that suffers the rejection, the hurt, the threat, the unfulfilled desire. It is the relationship you are trying to form with me that gets threatened.
If I were in trench warfare faced with the prospect of either being a murderer or being murdered I would run away; I would withdraw and hide alone to work out my own salvation.
If I were truly serious about entering into the Ultimate Relatedness with Life (Revealed by a Woman/Man Conscious Liberator) I would feel all the slings and arrows involved in the demolition of my special ego; however, in the Understanding of the Process of my Initiation into Conscious Intimacy, I would not run away or withdraw to work it out myself.
Why? If by myself was going to “work” it would have already “worked.” It did not work.
Withdrawing only allowed me to remain in the satisfaction of my own mind-constructed relatedness; the one that suited my own self-fulfillment rather than the experience of Total Conscious Intimacy.
Where is the threat when I am Truly Experiencing the Real Bodily Intimacy with Life?
I am only threatened when I am trying to experience intimacy with another for my own special satisfaction.
The Guru or Life is not really a threat to you or me.
That’s just a lot of old conventionally spiritual bafflegab enlisted for the purpose of one’s own solipsistic point of view, in order to convey to others what a wild and radical and unusual individual one is.
The Guru or Life is not a threat to your True Intimacy with Life.
You are. You are until you outgrow the need for lesser emotional relatedness for your own need for specialness.
I am not special. Life has seen to that already.