Letters to a young Renunciate
Yes, you are correct, I am only man.
I have been born with a male body hormonal system that I am naturally sure is wholly appropriate to the needs and purposes of nature. However, it must surely not go unnoticed to the averagely observant person that we humans do not conform to the laws and instincts and native intelligence of Nature.
Whenever I am in the midst of people of the world, I am still struck by my own exasperation of their native intellectual amputation and its crippling effect on the quality of their relationships and life altogether.
I have no predisposition of favouritism towards anyone at all, nor, in fact, any necessity for a particular ill-disposed prejudice towards males.
But I have long observed how the male of our human mammal species becomes unsettled to say the least if he perceives he has lost control or is not regarded by his “chosen” woman as the object of her expected motherly nurturing and all forgiving care and understanding.
I am also aware that I seem to provoke a certain kind of “male insecurity” in other males especially if they are put into a confined space with me.
I easily observe again and again during my travels among the people of the world how they seem willing (well…reluctantly willing) to pay the cost of their ill thought out, childishly motivated relationships in order to obtain the false satisfaction that they are wanted and loved and special and all the rest of that demeaning brood of beggary.
As I sit amongst and around bodily-favoured relationships, as I often do, I can feel how they have too many suffocating qualities and, what’s more, most if not all the benefits they perhaps provide, can be acquired in other ways.
It is such a shocking shame (to me anyway) how most people still inhabit the prehistory of their early emotional-intellectual life, their race, their culture, their religion, and have not caught up with the great Wisdom and science discoveries of nature, the universe – the total spiritual reality available to them.
I am still saddened by students’ egoic argumentative compulsion and justification for conventional recognition and, conversely, how abysmally lacking they are in an unquenchable sense of real human dignity.
So very often now when I am attending in a group of people, be it at the Ashram or in the world, I begin to experience the sensation that I am in a room full of ventriloquists.
People, no matter what their spiritual or environmental or social higher intentions are, seem to, without noticing, dolefully pour out scantily-disguised dogmas of social morality that inevitably suit their own unfulfilled emotional needs.
I wish I could say that I have become used to the “civilised fuming” underlying the passive aggressive response to my “gentle” inroads into a student’s fortresses of self-protective ramblings.
However, I am aware of the mind-made slings and arrows that come my way and the suppression of a scream from the one I have so mercifully cajoled towards a “bigger than them” point of view that would otherwise resentfully bellow out from them “what an insufferable arrogant impertinence you have…who do you think you are?”
I admit to all there are times when I want to hold society’s feet to the fire and force a confession of spiritual infidelity out of it. Sometimes I am mad with the outrage of making my Way amongst the pretentious puffed-up self-importance of the egoic individual consciousness that endlessly tries (and dismally fails) to conceal the fact that it is flailing impotently in its own ignorance.
I am a wanderer among the tribes of the world. I have come to be among the peoples of a race that are acculturated to self-deception while they shop, gossip, argue and eat their way to the grave.
I sit with them and make humour with them – Great humour is fearless. I speak with them and break bones with them. I move around in them and stir their spinal fluid and watch their eyes close when they cannot take anymore.
They kiss an image and recite the social/spiritual biblical responses to me as I wander off. They conveniently do not notice the scythe I have hanging from my chest. I smile and raise my hand in the sign we will meet again and I will have you eventually.
They go back indoors.
You ask about my Life and the importance of rebelliousness – rebelliousness here meaning dissent.
I must be straight with you in order to encourage you to reject the social condemnation of hubris and the disgraceful enforcement of the taboo against social mutiny.
I have a wonderful and odd and fully emotional mental physical life. I am so overcome these days with such deep feeling emotions that provoke uncontrollable tears with truly knowing my bodily insignificance and at the same time its unspeakable fragile moment of complete fulfillment in its own wonder and mystery and gratitude of experiencing this form of existence. And not one jot of this realization was awakened and stimulated within the spiritually asphyxiating codes and beliefs of common society.
I feel increasingly what seems like either lost or more absorbed in the utter “not knowing” or “mystery” in which all this conditional impermanence is happening.
We humans have made such a fabricated and complicated interpretation of this entire circumstance that is the world and our bodily existence. We have made a total abomination of the gift of Life that is always freely given to us – not to keep, but simply to treasure and appreciate and enjoy for a moment in our physical form.
We have created an outrage to our innate dignity that is our only inheritance in nature. We never had any rights to anything whatsoever. We only ever had, and still have, the potential to rise up to our inherent and higher obligation that the Great and All Pervading Master Life-Force has bestowed on us to rise up to. And that is to always feel into our Open Heart Love Surrender into the Great Mysterious Divine Nature of our entire circumstance.
To live in peace is to live in harmlessness, and to live in harmlessness is not to pester anyone or any creature for our Real Well Being.
We are here only for a moment. Far better to make Peace with oneself, to let go all the trials and tribulations of our ignorant introduction into human life, to forgive our own body/minds for absorbing vital shock and all its attendant outcomes of shame and guilt and self-sorrow and self-defense that otherwise motivate us into further struggles with each other.
I recall and bring to your attention a great breaker of religious myth and superstition, Claudius Ptolemy (AD 90-168). He was known as a mathematician, astronomer, geographer and poet who lived and taught in the city of Alexandria. His study and contemplation of the universe infused in Ptolemy a form of ecstasy. “Mortal as I am” he wrote, “I know that I am born for a day. But when I follow my pleasure the serried multitude of the stars in their circular course, my feet no longer touch the earth….”
I have looked at this life from every conceivable point of view. I have travelled through and in various cultural worlds upon this earth and submitted my human-ness to all kinds of feeling considerations and teachers that appeared in various forms. I was always determined to purify this body/mind of its first culturally and socially and DNA prejudiced indoctrination and all the childish reactions within it.
My hubristic longings motivated me to untie the mind-made manacles of culture, society and religion. Perhaps I have a fortunate distraction towards the forbidden fruits of Life, but I know you have that inherent urge also, albeit once submerged under civilized niceties and social suppression.
But you have heard Your Self now and I will Hold You to You.
I am so overcome with gratitude for the Life that has either persuaded me or pushed me or demanded me or often forced me to conform to the Original Being that is the Identity of All.
It has never been easy for me. I was not handed a straightforward conventionally smooth and clear road to walk. And, yet, I was born into some of the most untroubled and benign conditions on this earth.
For now I will let you be, to consider these words of George Konrad, a Hungarian dissenter during difficult and oppressive political times.
He wrote this before the liberation of Hungary from oppressive political power.
Have a lived life instead of a career. Put yourself in the safekeeping of good taste. Lived freedom will compensate you for a few loses…..If you do not like the style of others, cultivate your own.
Get to know the tricks of reproduction, be a self-publisher most especially in conversation, and then the joy of working can fill your days.
Your Renunciate Companion Yanchiji