Interpretations, suspicions and demands while standing in a mind-field or The problem with Interpretations in ego-fatigue
I am often asked (and sometimes, by interpreting someone’s mood; aggressively expected) to explain myself; to say it more clearly; to say it in such way that the listener gets it and has no trouble whatsoever agreeing.
“Yanchiji, you talk too expansively, too much in the feeling, not enough in the practical.”
“Yanchiji, you need to be more careful how you say things and what you say.”
“Yanchiji, you see, you have to be the responsible one because I am relying on you.”
“You are the guru, you are the one, it’s up to you whether or not we get it.”
One of the very first steps into the Spiritual Awakening of one’s human-ness involves the adolescent-breaking application of self-responsibility.
The self-responsibility of understanding and seeing how one hears what one wants to hear according to her/his underlying and well-hidden self-concerned motives.
Oh yes, all the words spoken, are heard, but those words can also be interpreted in any way that suits a deeply unconscious (unaware) self. Furthermore, one must become acutely aware that there is most often the unconscious habit of interpreting those same words on the basis of whatever was being made or perceived of one’s relationship to be with the speaker of the words.
The self-centered drive to mould and conform the relationship into one’s own needs has a huge effect on how the words of another are interpreted.
For example, a daughter will interpret her mother or father’s words in an often completely different way to how another girl (of the same age) will interpret the very same words spoken to her. A husband will interpret the explanation from a wife quite differently than he does the same explanation from another woman.
The wanting of approval from another concocts a potent distortion to the hearing and interpretation of the words spoken by the other.
What is it that compels us to mis-interpret and even distort the message in the words?
The Un-enlightened or unconscious way to live this life is the way of finding your worth and meaning and majesty externally, outside of yourself, in the world rather than within you – the Being Person.
This chronically habitual way of defining and satisfying one’s self only serves to fortify and evoke the lesser of our self not the greater of our self. And, the lesser one of our self is always constrained to defend itself.
Never more clearly is this shown up than when we come into contact with our so-called spiritual teachers, our gurus and so forth. I want that one to help me. I want that one to be specifically and sympathetically interested in me. I want something from that one. I want that one to understand me. Oh, I do not understand myself but I expect that one to understand me and allow for me and overlook my double standards.
Once again one is looking for the answer outside of one’s self. I hope she or he has the solution for me, the special relationship for me. I petition that one for hope and redemption.
One seeks the majesty outside of one’s self; not within.
Yanchiji has not “set you up” or “set this circumstance up” in such a way that it hurts people, harms people, emotionally exposes people, embarrasses people, confuses people or misleads people. Life It Self has not set you and me up in such a way as to deliberately frustrate and belittle you or me.
It is one’s individual interpretation of this existence and relationships that disheartens, demoralises, dejects and defeats one, time and again. It is one’s interpretations and perceptions shaped by a constant need to attain worth and meaning from another: from all that is external. The obsessive seeking in the external material of the world for one’s meaning and majesty is the full time occupation of humans.
We have set ourselves up. We have ripped ourselves off. We have defeated ourselves before we have started. We have set ourselves up for more of the same. We merely like to package the deal a little differently from time to time, a little more “spiritually” a little more self-gratifyingly in our duplicitous mind.
We like to have appearances looking good. Above ground all is well. However, the ground upon which the common practice of life is worked out is a deviously laid mind-field waiting for someone to step on it. Always ready to explode, it interprets everything as a threat to its fundamental fictitious and unstable identity. The potential is always there for limbs and skin and organs and blood and the entire ego-monster to fly in the face of the exposer – the one who already has the strength of Heart to make excursions into the mind-field, not to conquer, but in order to entice you out.
If we set about our spiritual practice, our interaction with our Revealers of our inherent Self-Majesty in the same way that we pursue our relationship to others and the world, we will always feel less than or not good enough. We will feel the nagging sense that we are always somehow failing, somehow wrong, somehow not special enough, because we have not been completely indulged – one way or another.
We will audibly hear the words spoken or read the words written but, our narcissistically-motivated self-serving search for approval and love outside of ourselves, extracts only the meaning or implications and perceptions that support the search while at the same time feigning deafness to those words and injunctions that deny the search.
Whoever complements and reinforces the desire in an individual to be relieved, fulfilled, made worthy and loved is the flavour of the month, the wonderful person to be loved. Everything that person says that apparently accommodates my search is very clearly understood with self-satisfying zeal and fondness. So much so, with devotional expeditiousness I want to tell others the great instruction I received relevant to myself.
Conversely, however, whoever questions or frustrates or invalidates the search is perceived as unsympathetic and opposed to me. Instruction relevant to transcending the search for the purpose of finding the worth and majesty presently (albeit un-awakened) inside of me is misunderstood in the mood of rejection. This kind of instruction (search-transcending instruction) needs my own self-saving interpretation and evaluation before I adjust myself, much less relay it to others.
Speak to others about the conditional life with the impersonal Heart (the Real Feeling Human) that is your Being.
Listen to others speak about the conditional life with the impersonal Heart that is your Being.