The Soul’s Revelation, the Soul’s Life, that is the Conduit, that is the Temple of the Matrix of Light, that is the Revelation of a Divine Life in Human Being. It is not us who create Spiritual Life or invent Myth but the Spirit It Self, It is the Soul It Self that gives us meaning, which alone satisfies the Soul and thus the Human Being.
An explanation of the “how” and “why” I am as I am now…..after all these years.
I have not come to say a word against human beings. I have not come to bind anyone to this form. I have not come to set myself above or below you. I am not a messenger of God nor am I apart from You in any human way. I have, over what Carl Jung calls the second half of a human life, given this body/mind to the transformations or evolvement dictated by the Soul, rather than merely conditional changes of the conditional ego-self and its self-concerns. It’s not that these self-concerns abate in one quickly, however, over time with Devotional Commitment to the Spirit or Soul Being they begin to diminish in their impact, their importance.
I was born in the bodily form of human, and being so I experience in this flesh the memory of my own fearful bewildered psycho-physical reaction to conditional existence, and also that same reaction in those significant ones who did their best to care for me.
That fearful psycho-physical reaction expressed itself in me as what was really self-concerned frightful caring about myself projected as caring for others.
This “good-hearted ego” caring became the foundation of my relationship to others and the spiritual quest. I did not realise I had become trained and practiced in the highest secular and religious goal, that of the Perfect Victim. The Perfect Victim, the one who is actually suffering the emotional pain of separation from Soul and yet trying to be spiritual, loving and caring.
I lived for some time in what can be called ‘the Hall of Mirrors’, where most of us live, where everything is about me, my form, my life, my wants and needs, my Perfect Victim ideas of how this world should be… and how everyone else should be. And, until they are how I think they should be, I will hold onto myself, I will with-hold the Life-Current to myself, I will not become Love ItSelf.
However, there was always the Very Soul’s longing in this form that, for some time, I mistook for something I needed to do in the world, something yet to be achieved, some lack in me that was yet to be found in the world.
I cannot claim anything that I did, nor any mere change of mind, by my own effort nor any sudden revelation that brought that stage of my bodily life to begin winding down.
It was Carl Jung who first conceived of, and gave an account of, what he called “the two halves of life” in order to describe the two major orientations and tasks of any human life. The first half of life is spent building our sense of our bodily identity, importance, and security—what Carl Jung would call the false self or the ego self. However, Jung did also emphasize the importance and value of a healthy ego structure.
But inevitably you discover, often through failure or a significant loss, that your bodily known conscious self, your experientially individual known self, as good as it is, as okay as it is, is not all of you, but only the acceptable you. You will find your real purpose and identity at a much deeper level than the positive image you present to the world.
In the second half of life we discover that it is no longer sufficient to find meaning in being merely approved of, being a someone, being successful or healthy. We need a deeper source of purpose.
From the beginning of my human birthed experience I could feel this God-sized hole in myself. Then, much later understanding it and recognising it in Truth, I could feel it in others. By simply allowing myself to feel this inner chasm between the ego self and the Soul I began to Hear in a radically different way that allowed this Soul, the Soul, to receive the Great Help through those who had gone before me.
With the help from those who had gone into the Unknown before me, I began to exercise an inner self-critical understanding that there is a God-sized hole in all of us – and it can only be satisfied by the Reunion and Revelations of the Soul.
It became clear to me that the false-self, which we have usually taken for our absolute identity, yet is merely a relative identity, must be surrendered in order to discover what is always hidden inside this lovely but passing shell. We want to rid ourselves of the irritant, the suffering, never giving it time to become the Pearl of our very Heart Self.
This became my Commitment, my only choice.
Richard Rohr, a mystic priest/prophet and author of a book called Falling Upwards wrote; “St. John of the Cross taught that God has to work in the soul in secret and in darkness, because if we fully knew what was happening, and what Mystery/God/Soul/Transformations will eventually ask of us, we would either try to take charge or stop the whole process. No one oversees his or her own demise willingly, even when it is the false-self that is dying.”
Rohr also expressed through his own Transformations; “Before the Truth sets you free, it tends to make you miserable.” You will have to face your pain and emotions and darkness but have no fear; All is Well. He continued… “The nuclear family has far too often been the enemy of the global family and thus mature Spiritual Life.”
Perhaps it has never struck us how consistently the great Spirit “teachers” and founders leave home, go on pilgrimage to far-off places, do a major turnabout, and choose downward mobility. Perhaps it has never struck us how often it is their parents, friends, the established religion at that time, spiritual authorities, and often even civil authorities who fight against them. This is also very often the case of those ones around such a One.
The Soul’s Revelation, the Soul’s Life, that is the Conduit, that is the Temple of the Matrix of Light, that is the Revelation of a Divine Life in Human Being. It is not us who create Spiritual Life or invent Myth but the Spirit It Self, It is the Soul It Self that gives us meaning, which alone satisfies the Soul and thus the Human Being.
Here now, over these years, in my mere human capacity, I attempt to make a sound, to say a word, to find the words, to re-energize them, to give them fresh vitality to express the Matrix of Light that Transcends this form and all forms. In my mere human capacity I attempt to speak the unspeakable Wonder, Suffering, Beauty, Ugliness, Joy, Sorrow, One-ness and alone-ness, the Touching and the parting, mending and breaking, knowing and Mystery, strength and fragility, a life-time in a moment, the constant appearing and disappearing of bodily existence.
This Life Impulse Implanted, infused into this body/mind, and furnished me with no concessions, no privileges, and no special attention. In Truth It consigned this body/mind to the Duty of Its Nature, not its apparently own form, thus requiring It to care less about itself for the sake of Fulfilling the Soul’s Demand.
However, none of this has been without the expense of the Life-Current and thus the physical matter of this body/mind. In all conditional things there is a beginning and an end.
It is Profoundly difficult to impart Wisdom in words, merely as some kind or form of teaching. Most of us have to hit some kind of bottom of the ego-self, before we can see that the ego is a Self-limiting prison that we choose to lock our Selves into, to see that the ego makes you believe that you are the best at something or the worst. We must see this before we even start the Real Spiritual Journey… If you try to assert Wisdom before people themselves see the prison of the ego-self, be prepared for much resistance, denial, push-back, and verbal debate.
I Confess, in the course of inhabiting this conditional temporary form and in Your presence, Beloved Hearts, I have witnessed my own fall from Grace from time to time… how, when I begin to care more about me, this temporary human form, than the Matrix of Light above the mind, above the brain, above the crown Chakra – the Very Conscious Light, the Matrix of all Life that is constantly joining the psycho-physical Body to the Breath of Light. When I care more about ‘me’ than this, I fall from the Asana of Grace. The Asana of the Real Posture and Attitude of the Soul – the Asana of the Soul that creates the Asana of the body/mind.